By: Bowie Rowan (they/she/he)
Every person’s gender journey is unique, whether they identify as nonbinary, genderfluid, FTM, MTF, gender non-conforming (GNC), or they use any other language that resonates with their experience. Most of us are familiar with the binary—masculine or feminine, man or woman—so what does transition mean for those of us who are both/and or somewhere fixed, fluid, or both/and in the spaces in between or outside the binary completely?
Discovering nonbinary identity
My transition story started when I was a kid growing up in the 90s. I never quite felt like a girl, though I was assigned female at birth (AFAB). I liked boys’ clothes and video games and TV shows and I generally saw myself more in the boy characters I saw on TV than I did the girl characters. But sometimes I liked wearing dresses and I liked that my friends who were girls thought I was like them, too.
As you can imagine, it was confusing. When I was a teenager and heard the song “Androgynous” by The Replacements for the first time, it broke my world open. Though “androgynous” isn’t quite the word I identify with now, it was an entry point—a small bit of language that helped me begin to understand I didn’t need to be a boy or a girl. I realized that what was most true for me was that sometimes I felt like a girl and often I felt like a boy. Much of the time, I felt somewhere in between or completely genderless and all of that was okay.
Gender transition is not a straight line
There is no one right way to transition and the process doesn’t have to be linear. Someone may transition once or many times throughout their gender journey. What feels right for a trans and/or nonbinary person right now may change over time. What’s most important is prioritizing whatever you need to move from any feelings of gender dysphoria to experiencing more gender euphoria throughout your journey.
As you experiment with the support of an affirming community, you may begin to feel what creates a sense of peace and wellness for you holistically, and you may also need to adjust or play with what contributes positively to your mental health throughout your journey.
Clinical supports for your nonbinary gender transition
For some nonbinary people, gender-affirming hormone therapy (GAHT, sometimes also called hormone replacement therapy or HRT) plays an essential role in feeling more at home within themselves. Whether that means utilizing estrogen, testosterone, or other medications, hormones are often used to support nonbinary folks, no matter where they are in their transition, along with various kinds of gender-affirming surgery.
Though I’m still uncertain about how hormones may or may not play a role in my gender-journey, what did feel right for me after I first transitioned was opting for breast reduction surgery that allows me to be flat-chested sometimes while still having apparent breasts when that feels comfortable for me. Knowing that clinical options are available to me makes me feel supported in my journey.
Non-clinical supports for your nonbinary gender transition
Hormone therapy and surgery aren’t what everyone wants or needs to feel a sense of euphoria and alignment with their experience of their gender and identity. For many nonbinary and gender non-conforming people, changing their name and pronouns is not only a good way to begin experimenting with what feels right for them, but is also often enough to feel a greater sense of ease and peace with their gender and identity.
For me, I was surprised at how much relief changing my name and pronouns alone made for me. That first step is what helped me to have more compassion for myself and also understand that taking the next step and receiving gender-affirming surgery was what was best for me.
Finding a safe space to experiment with gender
Vocalization exercises can also be supportive in understanding how you want to sound to yourself and in conversation. During my transition, I attended group therapy specifically with other trans people. Part of the group process was experimenting with and working on our voices. We talked about how our voices sounded now, how some of the affect we learned was cultural, and how some of it was just how our voices sounded. Some of us worked on exercises that made our voices higher, lower, fuller, or a combination.
The group was also a safe space to experiment with things like how we dressed and trying things like chest binding, painting our nails, and exploring makeup. This opened up a deeper understanding of gender, too. This group experience gave me more insight into how the world received me and how that was often in line or not in line with my experience of my gender. Having a safe space to experiment was essential in my finding what fit best for me, at least at that particular moment in my life.
Above all, you deserve joy
Transitioning can be a joyful, lifelong process for some nonbinary people. For me, part of the joy of my fluid experience of my gender is that I’m always in transition. Embracing my gender has allowed me full freedom to keep changing and to honor what feels best for me at every point in my life. Transition does not have to have a beginning or an end.
For many, the gender journey is an evolving and ongoing exploration as life unfolds along with us. No matter what transition means for you, practicing ongoing self-compassion and care for yourself and relying on your community when you need support are essential. We’re also here to help, wherever you are in your gender journey and whenever you need us.
Bowie Rowan (they/she/he) is a writer and multimedia artist based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Their work has previously appeared at Insider, Electric Literature, the Normal School, the Missouri Review, the Fabulist, and elsewhere. They love to write about failure at Ask a Failure and interview other writers on Swell. Currently, they’re seeking representation for their first novel and working on a memoir about travel, grief, gender, the environment, and joy. You can experience more of Bowie’s work and get in touch at bowierowan.com.
