By: Plume Community Member
Gender transition can be a challenging time. Finding ways to nurture yourself and give yourself the love and compassion you need can support you during your transition. For those of us who might feel disconnected from ourselves (especially when coping with gender dysphoria), self-love is an important aspect of transition. It’s easy to overlook self-love, especially if you’re used to putting your needs last, diminishing yourself, or taking care of others while you neglect your own needs.
Nurturing yourself is not about being selfish. It’s about being fair to yourself and offering yourself the same love that you freely give to your nearest and dearest. Nurturing yourself is about taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. It is about engaging in activities that promote self-care, compassion, kindness, and patience. Taking time for yourself and showing yourself love and respect is a key part of nurturing yourself.
Nurturing yourself is an important part of living a healthy and balanced life. It involves self-care, compassion, kindness, patience, and love. Taking time to nurture yourself will help you feel more grounded, relaxed, and confident. This article shares the four essential ingredients of nurturing yourself during your transition.
Self-care during your transition
Self-care is a very important aspect of nurturing yourself. It includes taking care of your physical body through regular exercise, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep. It also involves taking time to do activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time with friends and family. Some people use crafts, creativity, or decorating as ways to take care of themselves. For example, beautifying your living space by reorganizing your room, changing your sheets, and adding fresh flowers to your nightstand might help you feel cared for. (You’ll find some more suggestions in this blog post.)
Self-care also means taking time to do things that make you feel good, like getting a massage, going to the salon or barbershop, or taking a hot bath. Sometimes, self-care can feel gender-affirming, especially if you need a little pick-me-up. A manicure might help you feel cared for by making your hands look feminine, so every time you look at your hands you feel pretty. Or maybe you have a barbershop you like to hang out at while you get a fresh line-up. There is no wrong way to care for your body. From gender-affirming hormones to a heart-pumping workout, whatever makes you feel whole and nourished is also feeding your spirit and sense of self.
See yourself with compassion
Compassion is another important part of nurturing yourself. It means being kind to yourself and treating yourself with understanding, patience, and love. This means being gentle and understanding when you make mistakes or have difficulties. It also means taking time to acknowledge your feelings and giving yourself the kindness and space you need to work through them.
If you are struggling to treat yourself with compassion, try changing your perspective. Would you talk to a close friend, child, or respected partner the way you talk to yourself? If that person was hurting, how would you help them? While everyone sometimes struggles to treat themselves with compassion, you can develop this valuable skill over time. With practice, you can flip the script and learn to talk to yourself with the same compassion you’d give others. This article shares some helpful tools that you can use to see yourself with compassion.
Use kind words and actions
During your gender transition, it’s normal to feel frustrated, stuck, or even overwhelmed from time to time. Many of us wish that our transition would be like waving a magic wand, a transformation that is completed in the blink of an eye. Some of us wonder if gender transition will be enough, or if gender-affirming hormones (GAHT, sometimes also called HRT or hormone replacement therapy) will work for us. These are normal fears. You don’t have to take them on alone!
Kindness is about treating yourself as kindly as you would treat a close friend or beloved family member. This means being gentle with yourself and being patient when things don’t go as planned. It also means giving yourself a break from time to time and allowing yourself to make mistakes without beating yourself up. The reality is, your transition may not be perfect or linear. You may have to cope with grief, anxiety, or uncertainty. However, you can use kind words and actions toward yourself and your loved ones. This will help you nurture yourself and your community while you transition and enrich your relationships with yourself and others. If you’re hoping to connect with other trans and nonbinary people, you can use your Member benefits to join a Plume support group and meet other folks who are also exploring their gender identities. Message your Care Team to sign up!
You deserve to feel loved
Lastly, love is the most important ingredient for nurturing yourself. If you struggle to feel lovable, or to love yourself, know that you are not alone. Gender dysphoria and other mental health challenges can make it hard to connect with a sense of love toward yourself. Know that you are deserving of the love you crave, and you are unique. There is only one person like you in the entire world. You are irreplaceable.
Love is a deeply personal expression of caring. Everyone shares and receives love in different ways. For example, some people feel loved when they receive affirming words that make them feel uplifted and seen. Other folks like to have extra time with friends or set a special intention as a way to show themselves appreciation. Some people show love by giving or receiving gifts. (If this is you, try buying yourself something special, taking yourself on a date, or having a night of pampering!) Love might be a cozy quilt, physical/intimate touch such as cuddling or sex, or a long talk with someone you adore.
Love is the center of your wellness. Be gentle with yourself and seek additional support if you’re having trouble. You deserve to be here—just as you are. As you transition, learn more about yourself and your identity, and explore life in alignment with your true self, you will discover new ways to love yourself, too.
