By: Bowie Rowan (they/she/he)
One of the greatest joys of transitioning, no matter how you identify, is the experience of being fully seen and valued and celebrated by those you love.
Ideally, all of us receive that kind of support, no matter where we are on our gender journey. But sometimes, the kind of community we need isn’t always there. We need to go out and find it!
No matter how you identify or what your circumstances are right now, your people and community are out there looking for you, too. Peer support can be incredibly affirming and helpful. Here are some ways to find support while you’re considering transitioning in some way or looking for queer, LGBTQIA+ community who are capable of seeing you clearly and loving you fully in the ways you deserve.
Online communities
Where to find trans people? Well, online of course! The internet has been an incredible resource for the LGBTQIA+ community and has allowed us to find people all over the world who understand, value, and celebrate our identities. Connecting virtually makes it possible to find our people even if we don’t have that kind of community or support at every turn IRL.
Apps like Feeld, Lex, and Her have also made it easier finding each other to date, form new friendships, find sex and play partners, and everything in between. While these apps aren’t perfect—some have problematic responses to trans women, for example—they can be a place to find like-minded folks. Private Facebook groups and Reddit communities can also be valuable spaces. I prefer these moderated groups because I know the ground rules and can feel safe to be myself, learn from my community, and ask for peer support.
Online communities can offer a safe way to begin exploring and questioning your identity with the opportunity to potentially turn internet friends into IRL friends. Hosting a virtual movie watch party or a Zoom hangout with folks you’ve met online can be a really fun way to connect without leaving the house!
Local LGBTQIA+ groups
Trying to cut down on your screen time? (Same.) Your local LGBTQIA+ equality center is a great place to ask for guidance on where to find your people, volunteer your services, and get to know your local community and how you might find and share mutual support. If you’re looking for resources near you, PFLAG has a massive directory of groups that can point you in the right direction.
LGBTQ+ book stores or shops that offer LGBTQ+ author events are a great way to find other bookish people. Check out the book clubs you might find through your library or through the Meetup site. No matter what you’re interested in—bikes, cooking, gardening, bird watching—you might find a group that centers LGBTQIA+ community members who are interested in the same activity through an easy search. Choosing to filter events by “trans-inclusive” can help, too—and it can feel safer than showing up to a space you aren’t familiar with.
Not finding what you’re looking for? Why not create it yourself? If you have an idea, you can make it happen. Rely on your local Q center or your peer allies for support in getting it off the ground. You might be surprised by the positive responses you get. Starting an event or hangout helps your people find their way to you!
Groups with a purpose
Support groups can be an invaluable way to grow personally, focus on your mental health, and also learn how to better relate to others. If you have a therapist already, they may be able to recommend local, in-person support groups that center the LGBTQIA+ experience or be able to ask their colleagues for more resources that they can share with you.
Though many support groups require a certain amount of privacy, many allow group members to stay in touch after the group ends so support and connection can continue beyond the space of the group.
If you can’t find what you’re looking for in person or accessibility is a challenge for what’s available to you where you live, Plume offers our Members access to trans community in our online support groups. No matter how you identify, Plume Support Groups are here to celebrate you and discuss everything from coming out, loving yourself, gender-affirming hormone therapy (GAHT, also called HRT or hormone replacement therapy), and coping with relationship challenges while transitioning.
No matter where you are in your gender journey, your people are out there. Now, let’s go find them!
Bowie Rowan (they/she/he) is a writer and multimedia artist based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Their work has previously appeared at Insider, Electric Literature, the Normal School, the Missouri Review, the Fabulist, and elsewhere. They love to write about failure at Ask a Failure and interview other writers on Swell. Currently, they’re seeking representation for their first novel and working on a memoir about travel, grief, gender, the environment, and joy. You can experience more of Bowie’s work and get in touch at bowierowan.com.
