Gender affirming care can have you feeling yourself in a completely new way. Getting in touch with your identity, expressing yourself, and getting the support you deserve isn’t just affirming. It’s nourishing. The combination of affirming care and body satisfaction also has a positive effect on sexual feelings. Your sex life improves when you love yourself, celebrate your body, and have partners who treat you with respect.
Transition can deepen your relationship with yourself. It can also represent a dramatic shift in your perspective. Suddenly, the old rules don’t apply. This transformation can affect how you feel about your body, other people’s bodies, and yes, your sex life! Whether you’re contemplating a medically supported transition or wondering about your body’s changes, sexual changes are often part of that process.
Translating Self-Love into Your Sex Life
For people who aren’t transgender, “self acceptance” means learning to love your body as-is. It means accepting your assigned-at-birth body, wrinkles and all. For those of us who are trans, this kind of “self acceptance” isn’t enough. We express our self-love by making the changes we need, to feel like our bodies are aligned with our identity. Our type of “self acceptance” comes from a deep knowing and self-trust that transition is what’s right for us.
Whether we make subtle changes, like playing with a new gender expression, or dramatic ones, like undergoing surgery, we walk many paths to self-acceptance. It is not a one-size-fits-all process. For many of us, getting past internalized transphobia is part of that transition. Discovering self-love can be a mental process and a physical one, too. DK Green, a trans man who is also a psychotherapist, says that moving from self-criticism and shame into self-love opens up new possibilities in the bedroom. He says, “Then you can start talking about, what do you like, what would you like? What are your fantasies about when you masturbate? What is it that you’re designing?”
Some of the most dramatic sexual shifts that trans people experience are in mood and desire. For many of us, sex, desire, and love are intertwined. Experimenting with and questioning what feels good, how you want to be loved, and how you want to express yourself sexually is an important part of transition.
Genital Changes and GAHT
For trans folks, transition (with or without hormone therapy or surgery) can also feel like a second adolescence. Even though you’re full-grown, you might feel like you’re learning your body in a whole new way. Some people find that they’re attracted to people of different genders than before. Others discover new connections, try open relationships, or rediscover their passion with their partners. There are no rules or hard guidelines; just like with gender expression, your sexual needs are unique to you. Honoring that part of yourself is another way of affirming who you are and how you want to move through the world.
Your Plume care team can tell you more about how gender-affirming hormone treatment might affect your sex life. Every medication has side effects. Some are more obvious than others. For example, people with clitorises may notice significant growth and enlargement in that part of their bodies. Increased sensitivity may have you switching from briefs to boxers. At the same time, testosterone can also cause vaginal dryness and make the skin that lines the vagina thinner. It might take longer to feel “turned on” in the way you’re used to. If you practice penetrative sex, condoms will help protect you from the increased risk of STI transmission. Thicker lubricant or a longer-lasting silicone lube can make sex more comfortable for you. Testosterone may also change your sensation of orgasm. Rather than feeling the slow, building surge of an orgasm, you might find that the experience is abrupt and more intense. Your ability to have multiple orgasms might change as well.
If you are using estrogen and progesterone, you might notice that your orgasms are delayed or that you need different types of stimulation to finish. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common side effect of this type of GAHT, along with shrinkage. Experimenting with non-genital sensual touch, role playing, and other types of sex that don’t emphasize penetration are some ways to learn more about what your body enjoys on estrogen. Those who undergo bottom surgery will have even more changes to learn about. Many trans women and other people who undergo vaginoplasty say that their sex lives improve. One trans femme told Them that sex after transition “was like I’d never really had sex before,” full of “new feelings, new erogenous zones, new orgasms, fun new pet names like ‘cowgirl.’” She said that estrogen made her orgasms “richer, more intense, more fulfilling.” She also felt more comfortable being louder or more vocal during sex.
Masturbation, increased communication with your partners, and an open mind will help you adjust to sexual changes in your transition. Rather than try to conform to what you think sex “should” look like, learn what is best for your body. Your transition is a special time to experience a new or renewed aspect of yourself. The ways you love and the people you share your sexuality with are one element of your transition. As you step into your power, you deserve sexual health and confidence—along with all the other parts of you.
