Transformation doesn’t always happen overnight. Often, it can feel like a series of small miracles. A new experience opens our eyes to the possibilities within us. Our perspective might change as our understanding of our true identity emerges. This process can be daunting. At the same time, it can be one of the most rewarding adventures of your life.
Transitions of every kind come with their own challenges. Treating yourself with extreme gentleness and respect will nurture you as you cope with the obstacles you encounter on your gender journey. Self care creates resilience because it feeds our hearts and sets us up to heal faster from our hurts. Combined with clinical care, self care creates a sense of supported strength that can be a solid foundation for you as you grow.
Take Care of Your Softest Self
When everything feels chaotic and overwhelming, taking time to connect with yourself is a gentle form of self care. Quiet time can help you tap into your private self—the side of yourself that you don’t always share with your family, partner, friends, or co-conspirators.
The center of your life is sacred—the heart of your days and nights, nourished by everything that touches it. Anything you put in that place receives the most care. The most intention. The most love. As you journey to the heart of your life, you are discovering who you want to be and how you want to be seen.
Some people describe the heart as an empress, protected by the impenetrable walls of the pericardium. When you sit in the center of your own life, self care is taking on that role of loving stewardship for yourself. Self care is deciding who is allowed to come close to you. You can choose which suggestions are worthy of your attention. As you carefully invite new ideas in, you can discern which ones resonate with you, and which do not belong in your heart.
Fill Your Love Bucket to the Top
Even the most introverted trans people need community. Your community might include friends, biological family, family of choice, partners and lovers, or the people you live with. These are the folks who see you—whether you’re shining or stumbling, they are there for you. Giving back to your community can be a form of self care. It is a way of acknowledging the unconditional love you’ve received.
When we enrich our community, we are giving to ourselves, also. If you plan a picnic or prepare a meal for loved ones, you have a seat at that table as well. If you create a special playlist for someone you care about, you are making something that you enjoy listening to, too. Everyone shares and shows love differently. For some of us, that looks like art projects—from tiny hand-made Valentine’s Day cards for transgender friends, to massive murals that brighten the walls of our shared spaces. For others, it can look like collaborating and organizing for social change, raising money to support a vulnerable community member, or coordinating a group action like a protest or mutual aid meet-up.
Many trans people struggle to give ourselves the love we deserve. It can be easier to give that love to someone else in our lives. Community care fills our cups while we pour for others, too.
Dream the Future You Want to Live
The beginning of any journey can be daunting. Whether you are beginning gender-affirming hormone therapy (GAHT) or continuing care with Plume, your process will be unique. Yet, you are always the one guiding your own path. Where are you going? Who will you become? Try setting an intention for yourself or using a mantra, such as, “I love myself as-is” or “I deserve every good thing that flows toward me.” Create a ritual that honors your spirit by lighting candles and incense. If you want to be more formal, you might engage in a personal spiritual practice that feels nourishing—from tarot and crystals to taking communion.
Taking time to meditate can help settle your mind and give you the courage you need to persist. Imagine yourself sitting in the center of a beautiful flower whose soft petals shelter you. Connect with the sense of inner strength and safety that can go with you everywhere in your life.
Envisioning the future you want to live can take a creative form, too. In your journal, you might write a letter to your future self. What do they know that you are still learning? Where is your future self in their life? You might make a collage of magazine clippings or art to express your journey, weaving together images and phrases that resonate with you. Some people find that quilting, knitting, or designing is one way to relax themselves into a loving dream-state. Others doodle and draw, possibly creating an imaginary map of the places they see themselves going.
Although self-exploration can feel intimidating, knowing where you want to go can make it less so. As you walk the path of your gender journey, self care will help sustain you. Give you something to dream toward. Connect you with your allies. Help you re-conceive yourself with gentleness. Simple ways to love yourself better can give you the strength you need. Whether you feel like a tiny seed or a tall sunflower, Plume believes you deserve to feel the rain and the sunshine. We’re here to help you as you grow.
