By: Cairo Levias (they/them)
Defining gender through clothing isn’t how it used to be, and that’s a blessing. There’s no right way to dress masculine or feminine or androgynous. There’s a way to just be you, and that’s what’s so amazing about finding your own personal style. I also wrote these two posts that you might like:
- Clothes and shopping for when you’re feeling femme
- Masculine fashion that feels gender-affirming
The magical thing about being androgynous is that gender neutrality means whatever we want it to mean. I heard someone say once that to be stylish isn’t to wear the most expensive labels or brands with logos. Style is to find what makes you feel amazing, and do things that might not make sense to others.
If you’re going for a style that reflects your gender neutrality, androgyny, or gender fluidity, you might have a bigger closet than most. (I know I do.) There is so much creativity that goes into gender expression through the clothes we wear! It’s an opportunity to adorn our bodies in ways that represent how we feel on the inside. This article will give you some mantras, ideas, and inspirations for finding clothing that reflects your beautiful self.
Before you shop, ask yourself these questions
Trends speak loudly in the times we are in right now. Watching what other people are doing and not knowing what’s gonna make you feel good feels overwhelming—especially if you don’t feel put together. Shopping can be a daunting task, but there are ways to make it a little bit lighter of a load. Part of that is choosing what to wear. There will be days where gender euphoria feels inaccessible, and there will be days where you’ll experience gender euphoria in new ways with this journey of finding personal style.
First, we gotta ask ourselves a few questions. When I am styling someone, either one on one or for a photo shoot, I try to talk to them about their body and their mood. Understanding the way someone perceives themselves or how they want to be seen is key to choosing clothes that feel affirming.
- What makes you comfortable?
- What makes you feel the most you?
- How do you want to show up in the world?
- Is style something that’s important to you? Or are you more into the idea of utility and comfort?
Whatever the answers to these questions are, there’s no wrong answer. Remember that no matter how you choose to express your gender identity, there is a world out there where you can be the most authentic version of yourself.
Let’s look at your hobbies. Are you an artist? A hiker? A homebody? These are questions to ask yourself when going to find clothes that will make you feel good in your body and also be useful for whatever it is you like to do in your free time. If you’re an artist, like a painter or someone into ceramics, you might want to get some structured work pants like Dickies or Carhartt. Those are made to get messy, and the messier they get, the cooler they look. If you’re a hiker or an outdoorsy person, you might shop for utilitarian clothes that work in different weather conditions. Acknowledging who you are, what’s important to you, and how you live will also help you choose affirming clothes.
Daydreaming and designing
When I’m choosing clothes, it helps to keep in mind some of the cultural rules or norms of gender. After all, you have to know the rules to break them! My signature look is kind of gender-bent. I love pairing a very feminine wig and makeup with a traditionally masculine silhouette, or a powerful brow with a hyper-feminine mini dress.
In our culture, what we call “masculine” clothing tends to be more structured. Menswear has sharper edges and boxier builds, to make the person wearing them look solid and muscular. “Feminine” clothing tends to be body conscious in a different way. Feminine fabrics fall in drapes and ruffles. These clothes are designed to accentuate different culturally feminine body shapes. Think hourglass curves, low necklines, and thigh-hugging skirts.
While the binary doesn’t work for me, the so-called norms are definitely something to consider while building your wardrobe. Something I find kinda cool about neutrality and androgyny is the ability to mix both together and have a very balanced look. Handsome and beautiful, ethereal and loud. For example, this might mean putting on a structured button down with a long skirt. The two garments—one masculine, one feminine—are an unlikely pair. By combining the two opposites, the look has the ability to be masculine, feminine, both, and neither, all at the same time.
For inspiration, it can be helpful to identify an aesthetic you relate to. Another way I get some ideas flowing is to make mood boards and inspiration boards. I personally use Pinterest for all my style inspiration! It helps me map out different looks I like and take things I already have in my closet to be able to recreate the looks. Honestly, I find it quite calming to scroll and put together my self-made aesthetic through inspiring images.
Where can I find androgynous or genderfluid fashion?
If you’re looking for some basics to start your androgynous wardrobe, a good place to start would be a thrift store or consignment store. When you buy things you like at a low cost, it might feel like less of a commitment. You’re just picking out some things to try out and see what reflects your gender identity.
If you don’t feel as motivated to go out and shop and try things on, online shopping is also an option. (Make sure you measure yourself first and make sure you are getting the right sizes.) There are some really good, cost-effective shops online that sell amazing basics to get the foundation of your wardrobe started. Think solid trousers, go-with-anything tops, and a few types of shoes. ASOS is my go-to place to find different silhouettes for masculine and feminine clothing that isn’t too expensive.
It’ll be easy to get frustrated during your shopping experiences. When I get discouraged, it’s usually because not everything looks how I want it to. Then, gender dysphoria might come up for me, paired with body dysmorphia. I take care of myself by reminding myself that these things are normal to experience while entering a trial and error period. The most important thing at the end of the day—the whole point of shopping—is that you feel good in your skin and body when you walk out into the world.
Clothes more times than not tell a story—your story. Everything we do is an opportunity to inch closer to our most authentic selves. Clothing is just the beginning.
The way you feel in your body has a really big impact on your sense of well-being. If you’re not showing up the way you want to or the way someone else wants you to, it can feel defeating and feel like you have to hide. Good news! You don’t have to hide anymore. The best part about dressing yourself and designing your personal look, is that it’s by you for you. You get to be in charge of deciding what makes you feel at home in your body, no one else.
Cairo Levias (they/them) is a model, stylist, muse, and mystic. From walking the runways of New York Fashion Week to designing seasonal narratives for fashion brands, Cairo’s expansive vision extends beyond gender to life’s possibilities. They live with their husband and two perfect kitties.
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